I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
