this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
It's like God shit irony all over that family
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
