you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
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He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
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I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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