Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
