All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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