careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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