you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
