yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
