Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
How does one acquire holy water?
I just gargled with NyQuil
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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