dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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