I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
