It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Randomize
