I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize