I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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