Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
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