When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
