you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Randomize
