So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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