im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
