Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
