jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
