I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
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