they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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