when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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