My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
