dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
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