Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
