She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
