I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
