you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
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In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
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Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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