i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
