Duck Duck Cougar?
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
