I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
