Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
