If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
