I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
