I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
