Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
