Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
