Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
