How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
