I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
