But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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