I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize
