when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
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