My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Holy shit dude........stairs
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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