Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
