So drunk its hurt
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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