I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
