remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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