if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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