I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I want to fling myself into the sun
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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