Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
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