areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Randomize
