Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
