weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Randomize
