i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
