Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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