I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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