Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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