Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
