My first STD was from a foam party
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
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