I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
We named our party play list daddy issues
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
