I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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