I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
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