His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
