Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
As shirtless as possible
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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