how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
