whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Randomize
