Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
