I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
