I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Randomize
