I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
