you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Randomize
