i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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