i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
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